So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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