so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
