If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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