operation harelip BJ is a go
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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