dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
