just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
