she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
