I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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