Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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