I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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