my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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