found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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