It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
