And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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