We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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