He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
