I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
