Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
