Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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