was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
