opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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