Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
