this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
