Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
