he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
