The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
