i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
