Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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