Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
