porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
