Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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