I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
