I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
