Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
