I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
