I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize