I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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