I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
