I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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