if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
