Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
