Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
