I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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