mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
