FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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