Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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