She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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