She is in my trunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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