dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
