Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i will never coherently bang her
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
