we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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