Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
