I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
