She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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