Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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