Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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