Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
