its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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