i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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