Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
