is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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