Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I didn't notice because vodka
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize