She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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