Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
